Self-Absorbed, Expectation, and Comparison

Three pitfalls will keep us from a close relationship with God and from receiving all that He has for us.

1. Self-Absorbed

2. Expectation

3. Comparison

These behaviors are so commonplace that most people will be guilty of at least one, if not all three, but first, we must understand what they are and how we are walking in them.

Self-Absorbed

By definition, self-absorbed is engrossed in one’s own thoughts, activities, or interests; it is a synonym for selfishness. We can often recognize someone who is selfish, but rarely do we think it applies to us. By examining this principle, we will find that being self-absorbed, a type of selfishness, applies to nearly all people. The Bible gives us a great example of what being self-absorbed looks like and how God feels about it:

Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.” (Numbers 11:4-6 ESV)

The Israelites were subject to cruel slavery in Egypt, and Pharaoh killed their newborn babies. The oppression was so severe that God sent Moses to deliver His people through the greatest miracles the world has ever seen. Then, God miraculously provided for millions of people as they traveled through the wilderness by supplying “manna” as food. This was the perfect nutritional diet appearing each morning for them to gather and eat.

How did the people respond to these miracles and provisions? Instead of focusing on what they had received from God, they focused on what they didn’t have. They whined and complained about only having bread and no meat, and boasted about how good they had it in Egypt! Talk about selective memory. They didn’t remember the pain and suffering, just the food.

This is an excellent example of self-absorption. We don’t remember or focus on the good things God has done for us; instead, we focus on the fact that we don’t have what we want.

I was surprised when God revealed that I had a minor door to this open in my life. I asked the Lord to show me if there were any hindrances to receiving from Him in this life; anything that was holding me back. The answer came in a surprising way.

After visiting family, we came home and my husband was sick. A week later, I came down with the same symptoms. It was a nasty little bug that traveled from your stomach to your nose and then to your throat leaving you so worn out that you couldn’t see straight.

Before I was freed of the “self-absorbed” spirit, I would have described the time of sickness in this way. “I was so sick, running a fever, couldn’t swallow, too tired to drive. My daughter was starting her first year as a teacher the same week. My husband stopped at the store and got everything she wanted, making several extra trips for things that could have waited. He went to her school every day after work.

“But, when I asked for something, he never remembered! If he couldn’t easily find it, he wouldn’t bring it home. Despite asking for dog food to be picked up days before, the dog food ran out.. Whenever I needed something, my husband always ‘couldn’t find it’ or ‘forgot’ to get it. All his focus was on our daughter, while I was left to fend for myself, even though I was sick as a dog.”

How many of you have told a story like this to others, complaining about how someone has let you down in a time of need? Or maybe recounting grievances about what was done for others but not you? The way I recounted the events totally sounded like I was neglected, and to tell the truth, that is how the defiled spirit made me feel. But just like with the Israelites, that wasn’t the whole story.

Here is the full truth: Having recently endured the discomfort, my husband was super sympathetic. In the middle of the night, he offered to bring me medicine. Once He brought food upstairs to my bed and also brought food home unexpectedly just a couple of hours later. He kept up on the housework and laundry while I was sick. He was taking care of me and my daughter at the same time, running himself ragged. Yes, what I wanted or even needed came last and was often missed while he bent over backwards to make sure our daughter had everything she could possibly need for her first week in her career job. It wasn’t the first time I’ve been sick, and I wasn’t on death’s door, so a greater focus on our daughter’s first days at a “real career job.”

The situation could have been irritating, but understandable. However, I was feeling hurt and neglected. This is a spirit of selfishness manifesting through an attitude of self-absorption because of expectation and comparison. This spirit makes us feel hurt, abandoned, neglected, and treated unfairly.

These types of situations didn’t happen all the time, maybe once a year or less; however, it was still a place a defiled spirit had in my life. When the Holy Spirit brought it to my attention, I immediately began to confess, seeing it clearly now in not only myself, but my children and ancestors, making it a generational curse.

During this time of prayer, the Holy Spirit revealed that this self-absorbed attitude was only expressed with those closest to me, my family…and the Lord! Throughout the years, as I grew in the ways of God, I would have times of sorrow and dejection.

Here’s how it manifested with my relationship with Jesus. We begin as baby Christians when we first accept Jesus. We learn and apply God’s ways to our lives, which allows us to grow. After we are pruned, removing ungodly behaviors and attitudes from our lives, we begin producing fruit. Entering a new level means receiving more and more from our Heavenly Father so that we can bear more fruit.

I had heard marvelous stories about mighty men and women of God, not only in the Bible, but in the last couple of hundred years as well. When I reached a new level, I’d often be disappointed by what I was receiving. Where were the instant, miraculous healings: the blind seeing, the lame walking? Why wasn’t I visiting Heaven, physically, returning with my face glowing? Why wasn’t I seeing angels more, hearing more? Doubt plagued me, and I had to work my way through it at each new level. For weeks or months, I would struggle to embrace the new gifts brought by the Holy Spirit because I expected to receive more! Now I knew why. Here is what Paul said about this type of attitude:

But let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work. He can then have the personal satisfaction and joy of doing something commendable [in itself alone] without [resorting to] boastful comparison with his neighbor. (Galatians 6:4 AMPC)

We need to keep our focus on our own lives and our work. Comparing ourselves to others is a deadly trap from the enemy. When we rejoice in how much God has done for us, it will keep us from focusing on what He is doing or has done with others. When we begin comparing ourselves with others, we can go into the sin of pride, thinking more of ourselves than we ought. “Surely we deserved to have those same gifts from God?”

The other side of that coin is that we can feel like we are less than others who have been given many gifts from God. When we are not grateful but instead desire more, lusting for and craving that which we don’t have, we may be guilty of being self-absorbed.

How did God respond to this type of behavior as the Israelites traveled through the wilderness? He did give them what they asked for… and something else came with it:

While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck down the people with a very great plague. Therefore, the name of that place was called Kibroth-hattaavah, because there they buried the people who had the craving. (Numbers 11:33-34 ESV)

The Hebrew word āvâ (aw-vaw’) is translated as “craving,” but more fully means desire, covet, be greedy, lust after (of bodily appetites). This was the wrong attitude. Instead of being grateful for what was done and the manna being brought to them, they lusted after what they didn’t have. This brought God’s wrath upon His people in the form of sickness. If there is some kind of physical infirmity or illness, or even a generational affliction such as diabetes or Alzheimer's, this could be the cause!

Expectation

When you consider that something is due to you, because of your station in life or conduct, you are expecting a certain response. This is a type of presumptuousness which means overstepping due bounds: taking liberties. One example of this in scripture concerns those who use the name of the Lord without His permission:

I will raise up for them a prophet like you from among their brothers. And I will put My words in his mouth, and he shall speak to them all that I command him. And whoever will not listen to My words that he shall speak in My name, I myself will require it of him. But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in My name that I have not commanded him to speak, or who speaks in the name of other gods, that same prophet shall die.’ (Deuteronomy 18:18-20 ESV)

In those days, God only sent His Spirit in great measure to prophets. However, this could be applied to anyone who uses the name of the Lord in an attempt to wield His power. The word translated as “presumes” is the Hebrew word zûḏ, which means to act proudly, presumptuously, rebelliously, be presumptuous, or arrogant. If we use the name of the Lord without hearing from the Holy Spirit, or say that something is from God when it isn’t, it is presumptuous, a form of pride.

We can act presumptuously with each other, which is also pride. When we expect to be treated in a certain way or receive an honor or recognition for our actions, this is an open door to the enemy because it is linked to pride, which brings Leviathan into our lives.

Men often expect their wives to respond in gratitude when they work and provide for the family. This expectation may include the wife doing certain duties in response: keeping a house at a level of orderliness and cleanliness, preparing dinner, or even giving affection. Women often expect men to give gifts, affection, or compliments, or a plethora of other things.

The Result

The same spirit that urges us to be self-absorbed, expectant, and comparing ourselves to others will make us feel hurt and wounded if we do not receive what we feel we are due. It is really our pride that’s wounded. This is what comes from expectation and is often linked to being self-absorbed because we are focused on what we want. The world will tell you it is okay to feel this way. That you should expect a reward for your actions and being offended or upset when you don’t get it is normal. The Bible says this:

But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:6-7 ESV)

Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (Matthew 23:12 ESV)

When we exalt or lift ourselves up, that is acting presumptuously and in pride. God will oppose us and we will be humbled. But when we do what is right, when we act righteously, without expecting a reward, that is remaining humble. This is when God will lift us up and give us our reward, if not in this life, then in the next. Jesus gave a great example of this in a parable:

“When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in a place of honor, lest someone more distinguished than you be invited by him, and he who invited you both will come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this person,’ and then you will begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 14:8-11 ESV)

When we expect to be honored by others, even recognized for our contributions, this is a minor form of pride in our accomplishments. It is the opposite of being humble. God is able to bring you to the position He has for you. That should be what really matters. Being honored by man may serve to puff us up when we should be giving glory to God.

Curse Correction

After you confess for yourself and your ancestors, the best way to overcome the curse of being self-absorbed or expectation is to develop a lifestyle of thankfulness: being grateful. Paul encourages new Christians about this because it is God’s way:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV)

Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice! Let all men know and perceive and recognize your unselfishness. (Philippians 4:4-5 AMPC)

There are two scriptures that begin with “rejoice,” which we see in the Amplified Classic Version, means to delight and gladden ourselves. This is the first step in removing self-absorption and pride. Christians should be recognized for their “unselfishness,” but how many are? Some are recognized publicly, perhaps a little like myself, but with family… well, it is a bit different. When we rejoice in the Lord and focus on what He has brought to our lives, we remove selfishness so much that others will recognize this trait in our lives.

…The Lord is near. [He is coming soon]. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. (Philippians 4:5-6 AMPC)

The next step is to know that Jesus is always with us. I removed some unnecessary and inaccurate expansions to this scripture from the AMPC Version because it was unneeded and deluded this simple truth. No matter what is going on, the situation is not a surprise to God and He has a plan. If we will trust in Him, He will use every situation for His good. We may not be able to see how, but we must trust in our Heavenly Father.

When we do this, anxiety and fear will have no place in our lives. Fretting is a very mild form of constant fear… this is the opposite of the peace that passes all understanding that comes from Jesus.

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 ESV)

When we are surrounded by God’s peace, we have removed fear that gives the enemy a place in our lives. If fretting, anxiety, or fear plague you, there may be a need to remove the curse of being self-absorbed so that you can rejoice in the Lord in all circumstances!

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal if any of these attitudes are in your life or your ancestors. Take time to confess, repent, and plead the blood. If you will humble yourself, God will exalt you in due time!